tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2552712473039374560.post3275800728257473777..comments2023-10-15T08:44:37.222-04:00Comments on Ohhh Lulu...: Whose got the Baby Fever?betterdressedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09737306444524901411noreply@blogger.comBlogger57125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2552712473039374560.post-58185501693747200902012-09-29T18:04:33.416-04:002012-09-29T18:04:33.416-04:00If it is not too late to add my two cents, I had 6...If it is not too late to add my two cents, I had 6 pregnancies and 4 live births. Never really thought about kids, but once #1 came along, we wanted more. That said, my eldest son and his wife have never wanted children. They never changed their minds and are the greatest uncle and aunt that 6 neices and nephews could want. They made a decesion based on what they wanted and are very happy with it. I am happy they made this decision because it was right for them. Only you and your husband can decide. Truly no one elses business. BTW I am an only child and when I am told I have missed so much, I can honestly say "Not so much". Be happy and blessed. Regena in TN.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2552712473039374560.post-77937931419240594052012-09-29T00:06:41.735-04:002012-09-29T00:06:41.735-04:00I think you're onto something. I've had p...I think you're onto something. I've had people a few times act as though when you choose to live your life differently than they do, you're somehow condemning their choices. Or maybe it's just the fact that we're all a little insecure about our own choices and just really want affirmation that we're making the right ones!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2552712473039374560.post-24145381724468505922012-09-28T17:26:15.975-04:002012-09-28T17:26:15.975-04:00I'm of the opinion that it's nobodies busi...I'm of the opinion that it's nobodies business how many kids a family chooses to have or not have! The particular lifestyle that one chooses is not for everyone! That said, I wouldn't trade my two for any other lifestyle, not even to hit a re-set button and it just be me and hubby again. No one ever bothered us with the "when are you having kids" question - I guess since we married in our early 20s, people figured we'd wait a bit (we made it to 25 before the 1st one). But what really annoyed me was after our second one (we had a boy, then a girl), we got comments such as "your family is perfect now - you have a boy and a girl! No need for anymore children! I can recommend a great doc for the 'old snip-snip for the hubby!", as if having more or less than that is not perfect! <br /><br />My great-aunt and uncle never had children (I remember being told that it was some medical reason), but she was still "motherly" towards us (her great-nieces). Just because you're not a mother to your own biological offspring doesn't mean you can't be motherly and impact someone's life! By the way, I have baby fever, again!Miranda Burnetthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10818158549201735822noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2552712473039374560.post-36823764009242335502012-09-27T20:44:34.685-04:002012-09-27T20:44:34.685-04:00I'm an only child and it's completely awes...I'm an only child and it's completely awesome. I highly recommend it. I thought I wanted a brother or sister when I was little but dude, I quickly grew out of that. I'm so very close to my parents that my husband, who has two siblings, kind of wants our own little dude to be an only child. Some days I do, some days I don't. But that's purely for selfish reasons - some days I think I'll never get out of motherhood with my sanity in tact, other days I want a million little boys to snuggle.<br /><br />I suppose I'm not your average Pinterest poster-child mom. We decided to get pregnant because my husband was ready and I was kind of ready. I figured I'd never be fully ready, since my life would completely change and his wouldn't. (I should be a fortune teller.) We got pregnant super fast, which I wasn't expecting, and all of a sudden there's this...baby. And while yes, he needs me and relies on me, he also ADORES me. It's like having your own personal fan club. At 14 months, we go on adventures, watch NCIS together (he knows the character's voices) and dance to the Jackson 5. He loves ham and his dog and when I roar like a dinosaur. My life isn't the same, and some days I really miss the way things were (sleeping in, going out whenever I wanted, disposable income). And yes, I often resent that my husband is like a movie star around these parts and I'm stuck with a cranky teething kid. But we feel so much more like a family now and I finally, at 31, feel somewhat like an adult. <br /><br />Everyone tells me that things will get easier when he's older, and I'm inclined to believe it. Trying to communicate with a mute, immobile person is difficult on even the best days. But seeing his little face light up when I walk into a room...how could I not want five more?kristinhttp://www.spinningathena.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2552712473039374560.post-42943254833283232202012-09-27T19:55:30.016-04:002012-09-27T19:55:30.016-04:00My kid's sticky hands gross me out. I was at t...My kid's sticky hands gross me out. I was at the grocery store feeding him these disgusting cheeto looking things that were all healthy for babies and stuff and boy was coated in cinnamon mushed not cheetos. I contemplated leaving him the grocery cart for someone else to clean. lololThe Hot Messhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06458792434988109773noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2552712473039374560.post-18057800461190063352012-09-27T18:38:56.094-04:002012-09-27T18:38:56.094-04:00I felt like this post was coming from my own mouth...I felt like this post was coming from my own mouth! I feel EXACTLY the same! Its really nice to know I'm not the only one (oh my god ... sticky hands...so gross - and please stop telling me I won't mind my OWN kid's sticky hands...) I'm old enough now to know that I should never say never - my family still teases me about how I was "never going to get married".... yeah well I did, and it was an AMAZING decision. But I'm not so sure about kids, and I'm not so sure I'll ever be sure. And while I seem to be okay with not being sure - it seems like everyone else around me wants to know if and when and how many babies I'm gonna make! <br />I do feel somewhat lucky that I can say I have known some really amazing women who have decided, for whatever their personal reasons, not to have children - and so I feel like the idea of me being a woman and NOT having children isn't that foreign of a concept. I have examples of women who have led extremely full lives, without sticky hands and college tuitions (except their own, of course)...<br />Anyways - I'm totally with you!sallie oleta barbeehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00184217699471081340noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2552712473039374560.post-41027834096184243772012-09-27T16:40:23.993-04:002012-09-27T16:40:23.993-04:00"People like to be all up in your business&qu..."People like to be all up in your business" lol love it!<br /><br />You are very right! You're damned if you do, damned if you don't lol :)betterdressedhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09737306444524901411noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2552712473039374560.post-39111414760720150132012-09-27T16:37:22.580-04:002012-09-27T16:37:22.580-04:00If it makes the childless/free feel any better, pe...If it makes the childless/free feel any better, people don't stop with the unsolicited advice/opinions when you have the kids either. Are you gonna pop that baby with or without meds? What pediatrician are you seeing? Orange juice makes your kid fat, shots give them autism, do you spank, are you gonna stay at home? How much tv does he watch?<br /><br />People like to be all up in your business lol.The Hot Messhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06458792434988109773noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2552712473039374560.post-4227266013226736792012-09-27T13:39:03.890-04:002012-09-27T13:39:03.890-04:00That sounds like something Dan would say too lol! ...That sounds like something Dan would say too lol! Must be a guy thing :)betterdressedhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09737306444524901411noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2552712473039374560.post-84089226778355511252012-09-27T13:26:53.087-04:002012-09-27T13:26:53.087-04:00She sure is. I didn't mention it in my origina...She sure is. I didn't mention it in my original comment, but the hoops I had to go through to get sterilised involved being questioned by a gynaecologist who stated that when (when!) my husband divorces me and I find someone better I'll want his babies, as well as passing a psychological evaluation to ensure that my attitude towards childrearing wasn't "curable."Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2552712473039374560.post-77070312061368618012012-09-27T09:54:30.879-04:002012-09-27T09:54:30.879-04:00Seems like a few of us are soon turning 30...maybe...Seems like a few of us are soon turning 30...maybe that's why we're feeling the added pressure?!? The point you make about unwanted feedback/criticism is spot on...why people feel they need to push their opinions on you is beyond me! This next thing is going to come out worse than I mean it to and it by no means applies to all mothers, but do you think that sometimes it's the mothers that put the pressure on/give the feedback, because they'll somehow feel better if more people are in their 'situation'? This could be totally wrong of me of course! Mariehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12632906323410997355noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2552712473039374560.post-41716123498824837132012-09-27T09:42:34.626-04:002012-09-27T09:42:34.626-04:00I asked my boyfriend once why he actually would wa...I asked my boyfriend once why he actually would want kids (i.e. is it just cause he thinks it's what he's supposed to do) and he said he wanted them in order to leave a 'legacy' behind. Haha! Although kinda cute, surely this can't be enough of a reason to have children?! Maybe it is for a guy though...who knows!!Mariehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12632906323410997355noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2552712473039374560.post-11289671649854712842012-09-27T09:14:55.994-04:002012-09-27T09:14:55.994-04:00ladykatza makes a very important point about grand...ladykatza makes a very important point about grandparents and family being around. I am 9 hours from my nearest relative, and I'm sure that has been the biggest part of the "strain" that we have felt in our marriage at times. If we could drop the kiddo off with a trusted aunt or grandparent and go have dinner on the weekend, we'd be a lot more relaxed. We moved here knowing no one 5 years ago. Still, I love where we live, it is just harder this way. Definitely something to consider if you do decide to have kids. A.J.A.https://www.blogger.com/profile/05989531542525210531noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2552712473039374560.post-41868690588645670002012-09-27T07:38:25.813-04:002012-09-27T07:38:25.813-04:00I personally feel that not giving up your own iden...I personally feel that not giving up your own identity makes one a better parent. I've watched people do that and they become that helicopter parent that the kids eventually end up resenting. I take a very "free range"" mentality, myself, and at ages 9 and 11 mine a pretty self reliant. <br /><br />But as I said, its ultimately your choice and I'm not one to judge either way. And to quote one of my favorite author's "Freedom is the ability to tell Mrs. Grundy to take a hike". ladykatzahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04046811640134997947noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2552712473039374560.post-74406621680789381942012-09-27T06:49:14.082-04:002012-09-27T06:49:14.082-04:00People can be so annoying and insensitive, what...People can be so annoying and insensitive, what's right for one person does not necessarily mean it's right for you. You should do what you want to do in life, having children is not the be all and end all. I hate when people say 'Life only starts when you have kids' or 'You don't know what love is until you have a child'. So does that mean people that don't or can't have children don't have a life and are never going to experience what true love is?? So so annoying!! Don't worry about it and do what you and your husband want to do. You only have one life after all, and it sounds like yours is pretty perfect for you. XxxX http://thesecondhandrose.blogspot.co.ukSecond Hand Rosehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12937657828552984478noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2552712473039374560.post-5844037233111890712012-09-27T06:45:55.765-04:002012-09-27T06:45:55.765-04:00I think you bring up a really good point and kind ...I think you bring up a really good point and kind of turned on a light switch for me. I don't have to be that mom who gives up everything for her kids. I can still be me and balance being a parent. I'm sure that's harder than it sounds, but giving up "who I am" is my biggest fear.<br /><br />Just One + (another) dog actually sounds pretty cool :)betterdressedhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09737306444524901411noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2552712473039374560.post-71264321901608027422012-09-27T03:01:04.116-04:002012-09-27T03:01:04.116-04:00I've read your blog post, I have not read all ...I've read your blog post, I have not read all the comments, but I will tell you the same thing I tell everyone else. <br /><br />Children are the goldfish of time and finances. They will take up whatever you have to offer, they will fill up your space, they will clutter your life, they will drive you absolutely mad and make you want to lock them in a closet (I may or may not have done this, I have locked them out of the house though). It is not bliss and it is not neat. <br /><br />What it is, however, is the biggest adventure you'll ever have. Suddenly you have this tiny person that you have to teach how to become an adult. (We don't raise children in my house, we raise adults.) And as they grow up you suddenly get to see through the eyes of children as an adult, and appreciate small things so much more. Going camping suddenly becomes about finding bugs, and frogs, seeing new birds and other wild life. Rain puddles are suddenly things to be splashed in instead of avoided. And if they turn out anything like mine (or one.. whatever) you'll be hosing them off before you let them in the house because they come home covered in dirt. <br /><br />But one thing, should you decide to have children, that you SHOULD NOT do, is feel that you have to give up who you are as a person. Your life should not be about your children 24/7. This whole notion that we should "give up our dreams for our children" is ridiculous. I didn't stop going to sci-fi conventions, or protests, or anything like that, i just take them along with me. And if you live close to you parents, EVEN BETTER! The grands will step in to help because you are working and they have time. People forget that that is what families are for. <br /><br />Will it change you? Yes. But anything like that changes you. But the BIGGEST reason to have kids is because you want to. Not because society says you should, or anything like that. Whatever your decision, you have support from this corner of the world. And as an only child myself, its not a bad thing, especially if you have a dog. <br /><br />Though, I have to say, if you do decide to have kids and they are half as awesome as you, the world will be a better place for it. Also, in a few years you can make them mow the lawn and do the dishes. Just sayin'. :)<br /><br />But seriously, make the decision for you, not anyone else. And if someone does it like it, go tell them to stick it where the sun don't shine.ladykatzahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04046811640134997947noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2552712473039374560.post-88307900786912560812012-09-27T02:52:11.046-04:002012-09-27T02:52:11.046-04:00I was told recently, by a relative stranger, that ...I was told recently, by a relative stranger, that perhaps the reason I don't want children is because I'm not with the "right man". I've been with my man for nearly 8 years and every day he stills makes me feel lucky to have him!<br /><br />Luckily my partner also shares my views on children and understands that not every woman is a natural born mother! Ever since I was a young teen I have said I'm never having kids, like you ever since I have be told "you'll see...". But as I grow, change and evolve as one naturally does with age I feel less and less inclined to have children. I have no desire to have a child grow inside me, to be pregnant, to give birth.<br /><br />I agree with others comments about the world being over populated and if I ever did feel the need to have children i think fostering or adoption would be the only way I could.<br /><br />I think if you choose not to have kids you're the minority among women, and forever more you will be judged and questioned over this discussion. Whether it's be because other women feel judged in turn by your beliefs, or they don't understand or are frankly just nosey bitches, it will up to you to retain grace in answering (or not answering!) these queries. Anyway you have plenty of time to decide! And hopefully your husband will ultimately respect your decision, it's you that has to give birth and most likely will be the main carer and men can often forget this in their desire to 'spread their seed'. Like others have said having a kid can be incredibly selfish and sometimes I feel this selfishness can be seen in men particularly as they 'want a son' so watch sport with and just generally carry on their genetics and name... it's also selfish to bring a child into the world because you want a kid and then cannot afford to give it the life it deserves. <br /><br />Anyway, ultimately it's you choice and I hope you enjoy your own internal discussion rather than fretting over it, it's a beautiful thing to have this choice and we're lucky women to have it. <br /><br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2552712473039374560.post-83719226548259946402012-09-26T22:52:13.311-04:002012-09-26T22:52:13.311-04:00Gosh, thanks for posting! I feel the same way-- I...Gosh, thanks for posting! I feel the same way-- I've never really wanted to have kids, and I feel this odd guilt for NOT wanting them. I'm turning 30 this year, and while I'm open to the possibility that I may change my mind (I didn't want to get married when I was younger, either, but changed my mind about that and am very happily married), I feel like I'm unnatural or somehow unwomanly sometimes because I'm just not attracted to the idea of motherhood.<br /><br />The thing that really sucks is that no matter how you choose to live your life, when you're a woman, you are scrutinized and judged for that. If you're a mom who works, if you're a mom who doesn't work, if you don't have children, if you want to have children but can't, sheesh-- it seems like everyone and their mother has feedback and "helpful" commentary. I don't really understand why the same comments aren't leveled at men-- I'm not sure that anyone has ever asked my husband his thoughts about fatherhood-- but there's a strange pressure on women about this issue, and most of it seems to come from other women. I wish we could extend some grace to the women around us and know that no matter how we're choosing to live our lives, we're all trying to make good, wise decisions, and we're all coming from different situations and histories, and dude, when in doubt, just DON'T SAY ANYTHING AT ALL! It's not like the feedback stops when you have kids-- my friends with kids get CONSTANT feedback, criticism, and advice from total strangers about how to raise their kids. It's crazy! Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2552712473039374560.post-33289862843109316992012-09-26T22:25:53.560-04:002012-09-26T22:25:53.560-04:00What an interesting discussion!
As most of the l...What an interesting discussion! <br /><br />As most of the ladies who commented below, I don't want to have children and never wanted to. First of all, I think that having a child is selfish in a way. Very often I hear people say: What will you do when you get old? Who will take care of you? So that's why you people want to have kids? Are we some sort of a breeding farm for our future nurses or what? Seriously, it makes me so angry. <br /><br />To me giving birth and having a child involves a lot of courage and self-sacrifice. You will discover world for this child and re-descover it for yourself! You are responsible for what kind of person this kid will become! Growing a child is a lot of hard work every day and every night during many many years. As for now, I don't have courage to commit neither do I want to "give it a try". <br /><br />OK, so I have a theory why people push you to have children (pure psychology and personal observation): Most of them are jealous and envious of your life and/or unhappy with theirs! From all my friends who have kids, only those who are not happy or successful at their parenthood are asking me these silly questions. Friends who are truly embracing the role of parents accept my choice and would never ever think of saying something of the kind.<br /><br />But, of course, people do change their minds! If I ever change mine, I'd rather adopt that give birth. I often think of how overpopulated the Earth is, but also about all abandoned babies! From my point of view, adopting would be much more rewarding and making sense (to me). You don't have to agree. <br /><br />We are lucky enough to live in societies where people can decide who they love and who they marry. Why can't we get rid of the stigma against women who choose not to have children? It's great to have a choice as far as you assume it!Thewallinnahttp://thewallinna.blogspot.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2552712473039374560.post-78202364048724695982012-09-26T22:10:00.214-04:002012-09-26T22:10:00.214-04:00Also, you can't give a kid back, kwim? You can...Also, you can't give a kid back, kwim? You can't later decide, you know what? Screw this crap. In for a penny, in for a pound.<br /><br />And honestly, that's the real reason people say you won't regret it once they get hear, because no one wants to live with the awful weight of wishing they didn't have kids. Very few people are willing to fathom that reality.The Hot Messhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06458792434988109773noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2552712473039374560.post-28583204343283795942012-09-26T22:07:21.292-04:002012-09-26T22:07:21.292-04:00I've always wanted kids. I never knew what els...I've always wanted kids. I never knew what else I'd want to do but I've always known I wanted to be a mother.<br /><br />That being said, there is nothing wrong with not having an overwhelming desire for children. There's nothing wrong with not having even the twinges of wanting one. I don't think it's ever selfish to decide what's right for you about anything really and it's certainly not selfish to not have children if children aren't right for you.<br /><br />I think some women do change their minds. But many women don't. It's something like saying you want to be a nurse when you grow up. For some people, that desire never wavers. For others, it turns out that's not who you are or something else interests you.<br /><br />To be honest, I'd much rather people who don't want kids not have them. Certainly don't have them just because people think you should or it seems what's expected. It's work to be a parent. It's work to mold some baby into a worthwhile human being. We wouldn't expect anyone to take on any other task they didn't want to put the hard work into doing well. Why should raising children be any different?<br /><br />I hope I don't come off sounded like a gigantic douchebag on this topic. Kids can be great. I certainly love mine. I even like working with other people's children. But just like not everyone has an interest in learning to sew or starting a business, not everyone has a desire to have children. This isn't to say one can't be a good parent even if they aren't gungho about the idea. Surely plenty of people are. But man, parenting is such a commitment. There's nothing else on this earth people expect you to do put at least 18 years work into just for funsies. So why babies?The Hot Messhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06458792434988109773noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2552712473039374560.post-74194157823573906482012-09-26T16:51:12.856-04:002012-09-26T16:51:12.856-04:00Awesome comment!
You made me think... a woman can...Awesome comment!<br /><br />You made me think... a woman can say "I know I want to have kids." and people will accept that. If she says "I know I don't want to have kids," she is seriously questioned. Some women do, some women don't, some women (like me) are undecided. And in this day and age it should all be ok!<br /><br />Thank you for your input, I really appreciate your honest, well stated comment.betterdressedhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09737306444524901411noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2552712473039374560.post-55711129551852147702012-09-26T16:46:04.748-04:002012-09-26T16:46:04.748-04:00I have never wanted kids.
While I am still young...I have never wanted kids. <br /><br />While I am still young by some measures (I am 28), and I do recognise that sometimes people change their minds about things, I also know myself pretty well and for the past 20 years I've never really fluctuated on this topic, and I also know what it's like to choose a lifestyle or faith and stick with it for 14 years and not "change my mind" because I "grew up". I think that I can be about as sure as any person ever can be that I won't change my mind. As a testament to my faith in myself, I got sterilised at 25, as soon as I legally could where I was living at the time.<br /><br />It's not an easy choice to live with. Not because being childfree is not super-awesome (it is!) but because some people really judge you. Harshly. Your choice not to permanently alter your super-awesome life with a very uncertain outcome (maybe it'd be better with a kid, maybe it'd be worse, but it'd certainly be permanently different) is seen as an attack on their entire raison d'être. Somehow, you'd be less controversial if only you'd said "I hate 'em chinks!" or "It's not rape if you're married!" I did an anonymous interview in a local newspaper (anonymous since I'm a writer with a really unusual name and I didn't want "evil childhater" to be forever my top Google hit) and I actually got a phonecall from a woman twice my age just to thank me for speaking out against this condescending and simultaneously hateful attitude she'd received since youth. <br /><br />Most of the time, though, it's super-awesome. ;) Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2552712473039374560.post-91407419450011341252012-09-26T16:27:14.610-04:002012-09-26T16:27:14.610-04:00I'm just like you; never wanted kids, and all ...I'm just like you; never wanted kids, and all my life have been getting judged for it. I'm 36 now and still don't want them. I can't understand why anyone would make a lifelong sacrifice without loving the idea of it!! Other people can choose to have kids; why aren't we allowed to choose NOT to? <br /><br />In my eyes it's a LOT more selfish to have kids out of obligation than to choose not to, knowing you really don't want them. If you feel strongly about who you are and sticky fingers, snotty noses and screaming doesn't fit into your plan, then why force it?<br /><br />As an interesting note, there seem to be a lot of people who say things like "now that they're here, I love them but if I knew what it was like I wouldn't have done it" I respect these people's honesty, and take it to heart; if these are people who WANTED children how much worse would I feel about it once it was too late??<br /><br />I for one am open minded, as I've always been. If I suddenly change my mind and my body is too old to cooperate, I will adopt. Otherwise, it's not meant to be and I will accept that gladly ^__^Symonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17965640501644567685noreply@blogger.com