Ho hum... that 'down' feeling that I had talked about a month or so ago still hasn't seemed to have left. We had a week or so of some nice, warm weather, but it's cold again... cold enough that there is a risk of snow/rain over night... Perfect timing too, since I bought a bunch of plants yesterday. I was feeling better when it was nice enough to get outside, but I'm back to feeling "blah... nothing matters... what's the point..." again.
I had a disappointingly unproductive week. I felt like everything this week was a massive effort. Just dragging myself out of bed was horrendously hard. I normally am a morning person, so sleeping in is unusual for me. I don't know what it is. Nothing is wrong, everything is going well, business is steady, Dan's work is going well, we are all healthy, I have no perceivable reason to feel anything but content... but I just feel blank. Not happy, not sad, just nothing at all. If you get to really know me, you will find I am a bizarre mix of extremes - I love things, and I despise things, I do things to the max, so feeling "meh" just feels absolutely bizarre. I desperately want to feel excited about something. As a result, I have been unusually quiet on my blog. I feel guilty about talking about feeling down, when there is nothing particularly wrong. I feel like a crazy person, unjust in my feelings, like I should just zip-it because other people have it much harder than I do. I know it's going to be hard for me to click the "Publish" button on this post, but I will do it anyway.
I have been working on summer pieces, and stenciled some new backgrounds to take photos on. That was kind of fun. I like doing crafty things like that... My new summer items are mostly cotton, with some linen, crochet lace details, and some flapper-esque sequins, lots of peach & pale yellow. I have a few more stripey items to finish up. I can't help it, I just love stripes. I realized the other day, while preparing some new pieces, that I had 3 stripe variations that I was working on. Stripes are just the perfect print. I also am working on a bunch of cropped camisoles. I like the idea of cropped cami's for summer... I got some gold metal sliders, which I like very much. I feel like they give the straps a jewelry feel. The only other thing I want to incorporate into this collection is some fine silver chain. I'm not entirely sure how I will do this yet, I have a vision in my mind's eye which hasn't come quite clear yet, but it will reveal itself to me...
The worst thing about the way that I am feeling right now is that I feel like it's really reflecting itself in my work - not in the quality or creativity really, but in my perception of it. I look at things that I finish and instead of giggling gleefully, I stare blankly and add it to the pile. I've shown a few pieces to my husband, and they have elicited an unusually excited response, a wide-eyed "ooooo." But that hasn't stopped my pile of unfinished, unphotographed pile of lingerie from growing. I feel like I woke up one day with all of my confidence and zeal just drained out of me. What happened? When will it come back?