Sunday Morning

Sunday, May 12, 2013

Ho hum... that 'down' feeling that I had talked about a month or so ago still hasn't seemed to have left.  We had a week or so of some nice, warm weather, but it's cold again... cold enough that there is a risk of snow/rain over night... Perfect timing too, since I bought a bunch of plants yesterday. I was feeling better when it was nice enough to get outside, but I'm back to feeling "blah... nothing matters... what's the point..." again.

I had a disappointingly unproductive week.  I felt like everything this week was a massive effort.  Just dragging myself out of bed was horrendously hard.  I normally am a morning person, so sleeping in is unusual for me.  I don't know what it is.  Nothing is wrong, everything is going well, business is steady, Dan's work is going well, we are all healthy, I have no perceivable reason to feel anything but content... but I just feel blank. Not happy, not sad, just nothing at all. If you get to really know me, you will find I am a bizarre mix of extremes - I love things, and I despise things, I do things to the max, so feeling "meh" just feels absolutely bizarre.  I desperately want to feel excited about something.  As a result, I have been unusually quiet on my blog.  I feel guilty about talking about feeling down, when there is nothing particularly wrong.  I feel like a crazy person, unjust in my feelings, like I should just zip-it because other people have it much harder than I do. I know it's going to be hard for me to click the "Publish" button on this post, but I will do it anyway.

I have been working on summer pieces, and stenciled some new backgrounds to take photos on.  That was kind of fun.  I like doing crafty things like that... My new summer items are mostly cotton, with some linen, crochet lace details, and some flapper-esque sequins, lots of peach & pale yellow.  I have a few more stripey items to finish up.  I can't help it, I just love stripes.  I realized the other day, while preparing some new pieces, that I had 3 stripe variations that I was working on.  Stripes are just the perfect print.  I also am working on a bunch of cropped camisoles.  I like the idea of cropped cami's for summer... I got some gold metal sliders, which I like very much.  I feel like they give the straps a jewelry feel.  The only other thing I want to incorporate into this collection is some fine silver chain.  I'm not entirely sure how I will do this yet, I have a vision in my mind's eye which hasn't come quite clear yet, but it will reveal itself to me...

The worst thing about the way that I am feeling right now is that I feel like it's really reflecting itself in my work - not in the quality or creativity really, but in my perception of it.  I look at things that I finish and instead of giggling gleefully, I stare blankly and add it to the pile.  I've shown a few pieces to my husband, and they have elicited an unusually excited response, a wide-eyed "ooooo." But that hasn't stopped my pile of unfinished, unphotographed pile of lingerie from growing. I feel like I woke up one day with all of my confidence and zeal just drained out of me.  What happened?  When will it come back?





19 comments:

  1. I've been reading your blog for a few weeks now so I guess I'm a bit of a newcomer. I adore the underwear you sew, it is beautiful and I am looking forwards to the day I stop nursing (could be a while!!) to make myself something. Or failing that I may have to make a nursing version!!
    All that said you're clearly having a hard time at the moment and it must have been really hard to share. It's hard to know what to suggest because different things work for different people - some will visit their doctor, others will try to work through it on their own. And whilst the journey may well be rocky you can climb out of this. Hang in there :)

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    1. Thank you for reading and for commenting! I would love to see if you made a nursing version of one of the bras. That would be very cool! :)

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  2. I love your lingerie! Do you make larger sizes? I wear an 18 or so on top, but am busty and very short waisted, and short as well.

    Regarding your "meh" cloud; nothing wrong with anti-depressants, but I like to spend more time outside in the garden on projects - time goes by in that kind of zen time, and blows the fog away. Having something very fun and exciting to look forward to really helps me a lot. Especially seeing new places - traveling, even to a close place, makes the brain come alive because everything is new to the brain. Brains like that!

    Best to you! Cherie

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    1. I do a wide range of sizes upon request, though the bras are best for smaller busts :) the camisoles though could be cone in larger sizes.

      I think that gardening, and the outdoors in general are the best therapy! Hopefully next weekend will be nice and I can get out in my garden again.

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  3. I get that feeling sometimes. Even though it is caused by a few particular things that I can pinpoint, I still feel guilty about the way I feel because my mind is constantly telling me "it could be worse" and "others have it much worse than you". It provides a mixture of guilt and perspective.

    You shouldn't feel guilty, though. We all have our own battles to fight, no matter how small or monumental they may seem or feel.
    I know how hard it is to share these things with others but maybe writing about it might have helped you. The understanding and support of people around me during tough times usually helps me quite a bit.

    The last paragraph really resonated with me because I can relate. When I get this feeling, I look at what I sew and what I draw and - I don't know if it's the perfectionist within me or the fact that I've been staring at these things for hours - but I look at them the same way that you described and, usually, the "mistakes" are the things that stick out the most. When I'm inspired and excited it is completely different and it fills me with joy to see what I have created.

    I sincerely wish you all the best and hope you get through this soon. Just remember that we all get down sometimes and it's ok to not be ok every now and then. So don't pressure yourself too much about it. Hang tough. x

    I love these pieces. They are sweet and lovely, just the way I like them! The background you made goes perfect with them.

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    1. Writing is always therapeutic for me, as is being outside, so hopefully next weekend the weather will be nicer and I can be outdoors and in my garden :)

      I think creative types in general have a hard time valuing their work. We put the most pressure on ourselves. Sometimes if I take a little distance from my work then go back to it later it helps :) It's also nice to know others struggle with the same things.

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  4. So sorry to hear you're feeling this way Sarah, but don't feel guilty about it or about 'speaking' about it. Everyone's challenges are relative to their lives, so no point in comparing to other people's problems. Is it worth talking to a professional/doctor about it? I know it's probably a seasonal thing and that good weather and outdoor activity helps, but maybe there's something that can be done to help you out in between? I hope you find find what works for you soon and that you can be excited about your creations again, because they truly are wonderful. You should be very proud of everything you've achieved so far!xxx

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  5. ((((hugs)))) so proud of you for sharing, it is tough to put yourself out there like that. I would encourage you to speak to a doctor or other health professional just to get their take on it. Even with two diagnosed mental illnesses my new doctor wanted to run a full blood panel with my latest bout of depression just in case something was a little off. Turns out there was something that certainly wasn't helping and a few over the counter vitamins and I am feeling so different.

    Your work is absolutely beautiful and I am sure you will work through this. (((((hugs)))))

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  6. It's all so beautiful, Sarah, just ... sigh, (whispers in awe) *perfection* . Don't worry, the blah passes. You get accustomed to the trill of so many sales, so many people happy with your work, and the high just wears off temporarily. It will come back soon, it always does. You'll be okay soon, don't worry.
    Also, here's a tip. Buy yourself something. (It helps me!) Retail therapy, when you've worked so hard to earn that money is surprisingly effective :)

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  7. I was going to mention that you've seemed way more down and out of sorts than would be normal. As someone who suffers from actual depression I'd recommend talking to a professional about it. It may be you just need an ear, or maybe something more. But take it seriously. Depression is serious and I've seen it take too many beautiful people.

    That said, I love your work and your new patterns. Thank you!

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  8. Perhaps you're feeling a little burned out - running your own business is rewarding, but it's also incredibly hard work. Cut yourself some slack, let yourself feel blah and you'll come good when you're ready.

    On a different note I love the pieces in this post and I recently purchased your Lola pattern and made my new favourite pair of undies :)

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  9. I know what a struggle it can be when you feel like you need to justify your feelings. I've been dealing with depression for the past couple years, so even when nothing is "wrong" in my life, I can feel so drained and lifeless. It really helped when I realized that I don't need to justify my feelings to myself or anyone else. The life comes back to you, it just takes times, and feeling bad ABOUT feeling bad is about the least productive thing someone can do. It's hard I know, but try to just feel what you feel and don't worry about if you should or shouldn't be sad/happy/lethargic, etc.

    But now for something happier: your lingerie in this post looks gorgeous! I'm wondering if a full-bust size could get away with the crop top style you have there...

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  10. Hey Sarah, I hope you will be feeling better soon. You have mentioned a couple of times that you were sick for a while this winter, and it could be that your body is still getting back up to speed. You might consider taking a probiotic, if you don't already, to help get your system balanced. I get the blahs sometimes too, and it seems like one thing that often helps is doing something totally new- taking a class, visiting a town I have never seen, or just shaking the routine up a little from the norm.

    You work hard, and your work is so inspiring and lovely. These pieces up top are just breathtaking!

    I hope as things warm up that the sunshine will have you feeling good. Camping season is just about here! :)

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  11. Thanks so much for sharing this, even though it can't have been easy to put into words. Reading this and the comments has made me feel like I'm not the only one going through the "blahs" at the moment! After 7 months of winter and constant colds I just feel worn out and completely demotivated! Everyone is allowed to be down from time to time, even though we feel guilty if there isn't a specific reason. Once the weather really improves you might be able to get out more which always helps me. Hope you feel better soon and your designs are absolutely gorgeous!!!

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  12. I can't tell you what will work for you, but I wanted to tell you that you're not alone. And you're not crazy. I hope you find something that works to re-balance yourself.

    Your new pieces are, as always, beautiful. I never thought of making my own lingerie until I saw your work. It is truly inspiring.

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  13. Are you getting enough socialization? I notice that in people who retire, they go from being around people all the time to being home and having fewer interactions and they sort of fade. I know it's hard to fit more into the week when you're a new business owner but maybe you need to take a class or something so you see some new faces once a week. Energy and enthusiasm is contageous.

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  14. First of all, the new items are gorgeous. I have a cotton 1920s cami in my collection that is similar to the cropped one. It is one of my favorite pieces because it is simple, yet delicate. I think you captured that same romatic air in the summer collection.
    As for the empty feeling... I think all artists need times like these to really appreciate their own work. My sister (an amazing fine artist) recently went through it. I myself took most off most of last year off. It will pass. Don't get impatient with yourself. As long as you are fininshing orders, allow yourself to cope. Once you start to feel more like yourself you will look at your work and admire it the way everyone else does.

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  15. Awww man, I'm sorry you're feeling so down. It's pretty understandable towards the end of a long winter. I've been struggling with a lack of motivation and not being into my projects, too, and I'm just a hobby sewer. I'm contributing it to fatigue and stress from work and family situations. I hope that you're able to get enough rest and some exercise, too. I know I feel better getting outside and exercising, even if the weather is crummy. And were you ever able to think of another creative outlet? Maybe take a pottery class, or do some painting or something, since your old creative outlet is your work now. If all else fails, pug cuddles can be pretty comforting. :)

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  16. Is the ivory camisole going to be available for purchase?

    Thanks

    JD

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