Alone again.

Sunday, February 28, 2010

Dan left this afternoon, just after 3 pm. It's been harder than I anticipated. I'm finding myself randomly bursting into tears while turning on the sconce light that Dan fixed, or walking the dog and coming into an empty apartment, cooking dinner and having a pot full of left overs and no one to say "This is really good, thanks honey," in between mouth fulls. He missed a good dinner tonight, fresh marinara sauce.

I couldn't quite put my finger on why it is so hard. We spent a year only seeing each other on weekends, and we were okay. I just want this so bad, and now that I've had a taste, it's really hard to go back. The worst part, though, is just being alone. Far from my family, far from Dan, far from so many things I love.

I should try to sew, but everything just feels so much more difficult. I finished a pair of ruffled panties, and started a matching soft-bra. I need to finish a cup and just assemble it... instead I think I will soak in a bath and snuggle down with Oliver and Great Expectations for the night.

I don't want to get into an empty bed.

Soft Bra for a Busty Girl

Friday, February 26, 2010

I spent the night sewing last night, and was able to try out that pattern I drafted earlier this week. I admit, it's a little tight through the bottom, but that's why we make prototypes!

The soft bralette is an adaptation of a vintage camisole pattern. I've always wanted one of those soft, delicate bras that tiny-chested girls get to wear. So, I've made this one with lots of elastic, thicker straps, and more room in the cup. It's actually pretty comfy.

My sewing machine's zig-zag stitch is acting up again... Sigh...

Today is Friday, the night before my last weekend with Dan. It's a snowstorm outside, as you can see out the window in this picture, there is nothing but white. Somehow it feels fitting of my mood.

I was up most of the night last night worrying about money. I wish I had more time to sew some more and get some of these things up on Etsy... I wish the process was faster.

When I did manage to get some sleep last night I dreamed that my fish grew legs, and were crawling out of the tank, then attacking my dog. It was awful, and I felt a certain amount of unnecessary disdain towards my fish this morning. I have a hard time separating my dreams from reality sometimes.

Oliver is extra whiny this morning. I wish I could stay home with him today. I'm half considering calling in a snow day.

That probably wouldn't go over so well.

Four More Days

Thursday, February 25, 2010

Yesterday was Dan's (actual) Birthday. Since I have no money, it was pretty relaxed. We made dinner together, had cupcakes from Flour Bakery, and spent the rest of the evening watching movies, and relaxing. It was nice, I hope he enjoyed it as much as I did.

I haven't touched my sewing machine since Sunday. Monday, I drafted a new pantie pattern for some beige tricot I picked up. Tuesday, Dan and I discussed our One Year Plan and made some pretty big decisions that involve a move for one of us. I've come to the conclusion that I need to stop talking about the life that I want, and just start living it. I think we all have visions of how things could be ideally, but we keep putting the steps to getting there off until tomorrow. I'm getting old, Dan is getting older, I don't want to wait anymore. I'm very impatient.

It's almost time for Dan to leave. I'm feeling really unsettled about this. We became comfortable way too quickly here, and I don't handle change well. We have a plan, but it's scary and involves a lot of change. I am excited about it but scared parts of our plan won't work out. What if one of us can't find work? What if...? What if...?


Tuesday, February 23, 2010

I had a beautiful dream last night.

Actually, the real dream I had was weird and scary; my real dream involved a crazy stalker girl, who I met while knocking on doors asking if I could cook my ground beef in their kitchen.

The dream I had after that, while laying in bed trying to forget the stalker was this: I moved to Orillia and opened a store downtown. This has been a dream of mine since I was 14! Oh Lulu Studios - a place to sell my wares, offer classes, a workspace to sew. It was beautiful!

I thought: "I CAN DO THIS! THIS IS SOMETHING I CAN DO! THIS IS SOMETHING I CAN DO AND LOVE!" But, one little thing stands in my way.... Money. Considering I won't be paying my Rogers or Hydro bill this month... maybe I need to come up with a plan of action.

Considering my expenses here in Toronto, I'd probably end up with more in the bank at the end of the month, working at Fabricland in Orillia and sharing a place with Dan, than living alone here and busting my butt at the Curtain Factory.

I finished this set over the weekend; it's made of a printed eyelet cotton and ruffled pink mesh. The panties are the same as the first Gingham pair I made, but this time, cut on the bias, which makes them way more comfortable. Not sure why I didn't think of this the first time.

I really don't want to go to work. I say this every day. I am so tired of it...

Lazy Sundays

Sunday, February 21, 2010

Dan is hungover. I feel good, but sleepy from only 4 hours sleep. 364 more days until birthday party #34.

Rub-a-dub-dub a Pug in the Tub

Friday, February 19, 2010

I put Oliver in Pug Prison this morning: The Bathtub.

Stand By Your Man....

I cried over my morning cup of coffee.

I've been in a long distance relationship for the past year. The last two months, Dan has been here, going to school. It's been better than I ever could have imagined.

He's leaving in a week. We'll be going back to weekends.

Every morning I wake up, and count how few days we have.

I don't want to go back to only weekends.

I'm going to miss his coffee in the morning. I'm going to miss walking the dog together. I'm going to miss that stupid Final Fantasy music and banter about swords and axes. I'm going to miss snuggles before bed and goodbye kisses before work.

I don't want to go back to only weekends.

Daniel has made my days, at a job I hate, seem not that bad. I get to come home to a man who is funny and sensitive and listens to what I say (mostly...) and loves me so much. I love to cook him dinner.

I don't want to go back to weekends... I want him to stay or I want to go with him.

I want to go with him, back to the Sunshine City. I keep trying to concoct ways, excuses to uproot my entire life in one week and move back. Get a menial job, find a place with a yard and a porch... it sounds so perfect.

Gingham Panties...

Thursday, February 18, 2010

I had the worst craving for celery and Cheese Whiz today. I've been snacking on it all night, in between making these! Which aren't quite finished yet... I need to still stitch down the "gusset" lining.

Turned out pretty cute (I love gingham), but also smaller than I intended. I better cut back a bit on the Cheese Whiz.

I started a pair of french knickers a few days ago, stupidly, out of dupioni. They flare out in all the wrong places and kind of look like nylon gym shorts. I need to pick up come charmeuse or something more appropriate.

Now... for just a little more Cheese Whiz before bed...

Retro Lingerie...

Monday, February 15, 2010

This project seemed to be doomed from the start...

About a year ago I found this vintage lingerie pattern. I opened it up today, thinking it would be an easy sew, however the pieces were all cut up and missing. I basically had to wing the lower half, but it worked out really well.

Anyway, I managed to re-draft the lower half as well as the lace inserts. I realized while doing it, I had completely forgotten how to draft a crotch seam. It worked out pretty well in the end, a little snug, but I think I can adjust the snaps...

The second and most major mishap occurred while I was pressing the back seam; My iron decided to spit rusty water all over the back. Luckily, little vinegar and water got it out eventually, and the whole thing turned out pretty darn cute.

Sometimes it seems like things are just destined to not work out... but you plough through it, and somehow, in the end, you wind up with a really cute vintage bodysuit.

I'm excited to wear this to bed tonight! I put it on this afternoon and felt like some kind of retro starlette. I'm excited about sleeping, not so excited about getting up and going to work tomorrow. Not so excited that I only have two more weeks with Dan here, before he has to go back to work. I really want to move, but getting all of the pieces in place seems to be more difficult than I had hoped. I miss home, my little sunshine city.

Valentines Day

Sunday, February 14, 2010

I finally got around to doing the finishing touches on my dress, after spending the morning doing some desperately needed organizing and cleaning!

Yesterday, we went to Ikea to pick out furniture for our imaginary future home. We tested sofas, tried out faucets, picked rugs we liked... I ended up leaving with a bunch of boxes to re-organize my fabric stash. It's now all neatly stacked in my "sewing" corner, which doubles as my dining room.

This dress is made from a Butterick pattern, but somewhere along the line, I lost the facing pieces and had to re-draft them. I don't know quite what I was thinking, but the facing in the underarm is only about three quarters of an inch long. Oopsie...

I like all the fiddly parts of sewing. I like sewing button holes by hand, binding seams, hand-sewing hems. I like a piece to look like I made it, with time and patience. I have been debating whether or not to pick up a serger... but I've decided that I like it when you flip a garment inside out and see a really nicely bound seam (please ignore my wobbly binding).

Great Intentions...

Thursday, February 11, 2010

So I had great intentions of finishing this post after I got to work, however, I've been swamped and have been preoccupied reading about the untimely death of Alexander McQueen. This is especially meaningful to me, I'd say it was he who really got me into fashion, he showed me how fashion could truly be art.

This post was supposed to be about how I have a hard time finishing projects. As I write this (at work), I realize, I still haven't quoted Mr. Armstrong, I still need to make changes to the orders sitting on my desk, I still need to book that appointment over there, and try to find some fabrics that have geometric patterns in black and beige.

Instead, as is my usual habit, I am moving on to something else. These two photographs illustrate my habit. See the coat? That is two, maybe three years in the making. Got put in a box... forgotten about, until about a month ago. That corset? I decided on a whim I wanted to flex my old corsetry skills. It sits in a box, unfinished, in need of grommets.

My new (sewing) goal is to NOT HAVE WORKS IN PROGRESS! I will have works that are COMPLETED! My coat is my inspiration, after 2 (or was it three?) years, I finally "got around to it."

Now... I should get back to work.

A Work In Progress

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

I went to my old Orillia Fabricland and found the best clearance section I've ever seen in my life. I picked up two pieces of printed/embroidered cotton. I just wish I had more time and energy to sew at the end of the day. This dress (which is in need of a press) just needs a zipper, hem and facing. Hopefully I'll find some extra time tonight! I have a feeling my boyfriend and I will only be eating Kraft Dinner tonight...

I wish I could make this my full time job...

This week is really dragging on, the days are getting so monotonous. I'm tired of picking up the phone and asking "how can I help you today?" or "oh, you'd like to book a shop at home." What I'd really like to say is, "I DON'T GIVE A DAMN ABOUT YOUR NEW WINDOWS! I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR COLOUR SCHEME!!!" But, that would not help my current financial situation.

Speaking of which, my financial situation lately has not been good. Expenses are increasing significantly, while my measly pay is staying the same. My bank account was "compromised" late last month, my OSAP payment came out later than normal, and my rent check bounced! The first time in my life! This brings me to my point: I don't understand how the bank can charge someone who doesn't have enough money to cover basic living expenses, a $50 NSF Fee (not to mention the $25 fee from my bank). It's a kick when you're down. Let's take money from the girl who OBVIOUSLY has none! Also, this has been the third time in a matter of months my account has been "compromised." I feel like I'd be safer and pay far fewer fees, keeping my money under my mattress.

I'll be wearing this apron while I make my Kraft Dinner tonight. I make mine "gourmet" with cut up hot dogs, and garlic salt! Oh, culinary delight in a box!

Monday, February 1, 2010

So, I've started a blog: Blog #3. The first two died a tragic, sudden death. There was a blog after... but it doesn't really count. I'm hoping the third time will be the charm.

I feel slightly embarrassed about this whole embarkment, slightly narcissistic, slightly excited; excited to share my ideas and creations again, embarrassed because I'm not sure I really want my friends/family being privy to my every thought... But, here we go!

I've been feeling a lack of fulfillment lately. This blog holds a weighty responsibility, and for that, I am sorry. Don't get me wrong, I have many wonderful things, the best boyfriend a girl could ask for, THE cutest dog in the whole wide world, an amazing supportive family, and so on. But my day to day is pretty bland (by that I mean my 9-5), and leaves me more drained, depressed, and hopeless than fulfilled, accomplished and satisfied. I'm hoping this will be an outlet for my frustrations, creative splurges, and culinary delights (occasionally food fiascoes).
I've started a blog.

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