I really hate moving...

I found myself, surrounded by junk and boxes, crying on my bedroom floor.

My bedroom floor.

Packing has become very sad for me all of a sudden. I am excited to start something new but scared at the same time; worried maybe it won't work out... worried I will miss it here. Scared I'm giving up my independence, my dreams... I feel a very slight tinge of failure in going back to Orillia, mostly a fear that other people will think I couldn't cut it. Oh, I cut it, I cut it long enough.

I've been in this city for 6 years. At 26, going on 27, that is a long time.

I found boxes of old relics, clothes, Christmas Cards signed "Love, Aunt so and so..." So many memories here. I went through so many changes here. I grew here.

I have a feeling I'm going to have some rough nights coming up...

I am excited to try something new. I am excited to be in a nice new apartment, arrange my furniture, paint a room. I am excited for weekly grocery shops with my mom, and babysitting the kids. I am excited to cook Dan dinner, and have his quiet presence on the couch, I am excited to rest my head on his shoulder as I fall asleep each night. But I feel a small amount of mourning in my leaving, the kind of mourning you experience when a loved one passes away after a long, drawn out illness. Everyone is glad to see an end of the struggle, but it's sad at the same time.

I think I've done enough for tonight... I will feel better when I am settled.

The results are in...

There is nothing physically wrong with me. But I don't feel any better. So, the doctor today has placed me on a 2 or 3 week gluten-free diet, which should be interesting. I am researching what I can't eat, and it's alot of things that I love. Will be tricky but hopefully will help my symptoms and make me feel like a normal, functioning human... for once.

And, I got a job in Orillia... at Dan's autoshop! It is just to fill a maternity leave, but I am excited nonetheless.

Now, I should sew... though I'm tired and itchy...

Attempt #2.

Lace Underwire bra with black and white ruffled trim. Fits like a glove. This is very exciting.

Accidentally, I put the hook and eyes on the reverse to how they normall are... which makes getting in and out difficult, but the fit is worth it!!! There is always some small catch to my clothing...

Underwire Bra: A Success Story!

I also made this bra this weekend.

It's my first recent attempt at an underwire bra and this time it went great. I have to make two changes to the Kwik Sew Pattern that I used: The first change is adding elastic to the top, underarm of the cup and top of the band. The second is scooping the underarm down a bit lower, making the underwire casing a touch smaller, simply because I can't find such long underwires.

This bra fits so good, and best of all, has no padding. Something I do not understand is why every bra from La Senza comes padded. D-Cups or larger do not require padding - God gave us all the padding we needed.

I'm so excited to sew a second of these then manipulate the pattern a bit. The whole process only took about 2 hours.

I am no longer a slave to La Senza...

Easter Weekend...

Dan took me to Scouts Valley this morning for a walk with Oliver. It was such a beautiful day, flowers were starting to pop out from between the leaves, the birch trees were pale white and silver perfection, it was warm and sunny, and I didn't want that walk to end.
I felt badly because I had gotten upset with Dan yesterday evening. I'm having a hard time containing my irritability; I see myself being mean, or jumping to conclusions, or being overly sensitive, I see myself do it - It's the stopping myself that I'm having a hard time with. Instead of appreciating all of the changes he is making for me, and the accommodations he is making, I'm getting snappy... and I feel bad. It's a stressful time, and I am lucky Dan is as patient and understanding of me as he is.

This weekend we started our "Oscar's Best Picture Marathon!" We started right at year one: 1927, with Wings with Clara Bow and Gary Cooper. It was hard to get into at first, not being used to silent films, but by the end I barely noticed that no one was talking! I appreciated the simplicity of it, and the story was touching. Dan wasn't able to find the next year's film, so we'll be watching All Quiet On the Western Front next, which I'm pretty excited about.

I was shocked to find myself actually close to tears in a silent film.

Morning Pug Runs and Farmville...

I've taken up jogging with Oliver in the morning. I admit, you get a lot of looks when you jog with a pug.

It's been really motivating. I've been having a hard time, emotionally, plugging away at my day to day life. I feel like I'm applying to jobs with no avail, not even a call back, I feel like I'm getting no feedback regarding my health - I'm not throwing up any more, but I am still experiencing massive chest and stomach pain, on 300mg of Zantac a day, with no alcohol, less coffee, and much healthier food. I feel like, "what's the point?" I'm 26, work a stressful job, and now can't even relax with a glass of wine on a Friday night.

Jogging is helping - my body aches, my things are burning, but I can feel my muscles, and I keep making myself get out there and run, despite the fact that I ache and burn. I keep going despite the pain, despite the fact that I'm not really running anywhere in particular. I just go, I keep going.

It's Good Friday and I'm here in the city alone - I work tomorrow at the Drapery Factory. Monday is my Ultrasound and X-ray, which I am dreading fasting for, then Tuesday I have an "appointment" in Orillia that I am trying to not get too hopeful about, and next Friday I take my driver's exam. A lot is going on, and I haven't had a chance to sew anything lately. I guess that's going on the back burner.

Today, clean, resumes, read that damn driver's manual, and park with Oliver and hopefully a couple friends