My mistakes come in 3's... sometimes exponentially

Saturday, July 9, 2011

Jeez, what a week. I can't believe how much my life has changed in just one, measly week. Sure, there is still a lot of good... but I'm still reeling. Reeling and sleep-deprived.

And to top it off, it appears I've been a terrible seamstress, making a romper too short and a bathing suit in the wrong fabric. I think this time, I can honestly say it, I NEED TO TAKE A VACATION! Our week-long honeymoon can't come soon enough. I can't wait to have some time to clear my head.

Lots of good things and not so good things have happened so far this year. I got engaged and will be married in two months. My dad had a heart attack and my grandmother passed away. Dan lost his job and we lost the house we had almost purchased. I've nurtured a small business into something that is thriving... slightly beyond my control at the moment. I changed jobs, and taught my dog to stand on his hind legs and turn in a circle. I'm pretty proud of that.

People keep telling me that "these things happen for a reason." I can't help but wonder what that reason might be. I can handle the things I can rationalize - a sewing mistake made because I was rushing to fulfil orders. I can fix this - I can remake this - I can refund someone their money. I am good at handling these things!

I can't wrap my mind around the negative things that are going on that seem to be happening without reason or recourse. I'm losing sleep and have completely lost my ability to focus. I want to just throw my hands up and walk away from everything... pitch a tent in the woods and stay there 'till winter. I'm getting worse at handling these things.

I do my best to stay calm and collected and I am go through the motions and smile politely and say "We will get through this bump in the road." But what I really want to do is throw a tantrum and say "I'm sick of bumps in the road" and give the universal force that controls life a big middle finger. Take THAT life! Take THAT all the things you've thrown my way the last 8 years - mental illness, drug addictions, courts and jails, family suffering, hospitals and psych wards, struggle, pawn shops, cheating, lying... Though I know rationally these struggles are no worse or better than anyone else's, that I've been blessed with a wonderful family who survives struggle fiercely and is a force to be reckoned with, a dog who knows just when I need a snuggle and how to make me laugh, and (soon to be) husband who loves me to pieces and would do anything for me.

This just happens to be life, no fault of anyone or any cosmic force. An average struggle of a life, no better or worse than any one else's, that is speckled with simple, beautiful blessings.

6 comments:

  1. Wow - it really seems you have had a lot to deal with. I hope that you get the break you need (and deserve!) soon, and have a beautiful and happy wedding and honeymoon :) I am not someone who thinks that things happen for "a reason", but I value greatly the things I can learn from not only my own mistakes, or other people's, but also just all the bad (and good) things life throws at me.
    I am so pleased that your business is thriving - your designs are just gorgeous! (But I hope you can get a little rest too) Good luck with it all, and I hope your dog doesn't get too dizzy now with all that circle-turning! xx

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  2. What a tough week! It does sound like you need a break. I don't believe bad things happen for a reason, that's just a way some people try to make sense of the world. Your positive outlook is the best way to deal with good and bad alike :)

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  3. Hang in there...we all have these moments. Your struggles have made me feel a little less alone.

    Best wishes and enjoy your break.

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  4. Sorry you have been having this kind of crap dumped in your lap. It sucks to be let down. I won't say "things happen for a reason" or any similar mystical type stuff, but I will say that looking back on my life from here, there are many times I didn't get what I wanted at the time and it turned out to be a very lucky break. Maybe you will feel that way about some of this stuff in a little bit. In the meantime I think you are looking at things the right way. You have your man to squeeze, and your pooch too, and good love goes a long way. I hope things start looking up for you soon.

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  5. I guess it's just a matter of seeing what's in store now! I am trying my best to maintain a positive outlook :) Thanks everyone for sympathising!

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  6. I think you're doing an excellent job juggling so many things, so don't beat yourself up over little mistakes that are easily fixed. People are generally quite forgiving and just appreciate good customer service, which I know first hand that you provide!

    Keep up the good work and just think of the lovely holiday you have coming up soon-ish. Hopefully life's tested you enough recently so she'll give you a bit of a break too ;o)

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